|Spencer's post about her friend, Kate Nance
I remember the first time I read one of your posts. You were PosterGal then, and I thought, "oh, she must be so confident and so pretty to choose a name like that". And there were so many days that followed where I laughed and chortled and held my sides as you showed us all your brilliance and wit. Finally, the day came where you and Mrs. Brady and Toppcat were all to meet. I was so jealous I couldn't be there with all of you, and yet relieved in my own insecure way, since I knew you were so beautiful that I would pale beside you. And then when you laughed and said that Mrs. Brady was probably jealous of how many passes the waiter had made at you, but that you were used to that, I sighed a relief I wasn't there because I, too, would have been secretly jealous of your beauty. When the pictures came out of that visit, I looked everywhere for the beautiful, tall, gorgeous blonde that I had pictured in my mind. But you were not there. Instead, you were just like most of us. Blonde, yes, but only average in appearance. Part of me was so relieved because believing you were so beautiful caused me much anguish. But it wasn't long before I returned to that image of beauty that shone through every post you wrote. Beauty surrounded you in everything you said. Beauty was your inward gift that you so generously shared with all of your friends. Recently, I read where you used to sit in the malls looking at all of the people that walked by, hoping against hope to see someone who looked like you, deformed by scleroderma. My heart broke, but my mind raged at all of the people who walked by and couldn't see how truly beautiful you were. I guess some time after that you found the internet... and friends who could only see your mind and your beautiful soul. And we were blessed. I hope it was a blessing for you, too, Kate... to be judged on the only things that truly matter in life... our inner beauty, our gifts to others through generosity of spirit, our compassion to fellow humans. You're gone now, Kate, and the sting of your departure is still with me. But I will never forget you, or the things you helped me learn through your wisdom. And always when I think of you, I will remember how truly beautiful you were. Goodbye, dear beautiful Kate.